apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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