It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
