i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
