Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
