You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
