Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
