Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
