i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
