I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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