WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
