i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
