Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
