don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
