I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
