Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
