1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
