and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
