Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
