**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
