Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
