i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she peed on how many people?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
