i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
