I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
