Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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