Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
