I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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