Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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