Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
