No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
