So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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