Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
