winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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