WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
