She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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