Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
