I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
