I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
