OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Enjoy the penises
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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