Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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