I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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