so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
