He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
