i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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