my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
