No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
