i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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