Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
