You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
