I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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