i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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