She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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