If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
