I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
