I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i think i just lost a toe
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
