Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
