i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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