the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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