you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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